Nothing sparks a biblical debate like "the role of women." Here are a few things I found helpful in this discussion. Short answer - God made us all different to accomplish His plan. Some of us are men, some women, some bankers, some dieticians. If we all recognize our God given talents and responsibilities, God is glorified, and life's blessings are more prevalent and recognizable.
In regards to marriage and children, one person can not usually take care of the house, the children, and the income source without there being some stress. Division of labor issues can be beautifully resolved if the overarch is spouses loving each other like Christ loves them - with compassion, mercy, forgiveness, respect and selflessness.
1. Helpers are required to make things work perfectly.
In the opening chapters of the bible God distinguished between His plan for man and His plan for woman. Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper." In the Hebrew text, "helper" is "ezer". We see this same word used in Psalms to describe God himself. Psalms 115: 9-11 Israel, trust in the Lord; He is their help (ezer) and their shield. House of Aaron, trust in the Lord; He is their help (ezer) and their shield. You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord; He is their help (ezer) and their shield. God as our Helper certainly does not mean we are over God, but that we are dependent on Him for helping us succeed. The same role of "helper" applies in the Genesis text regarding women. The only thing God declared as "not good" was the man being alone. To be "good", man would need a woman to help him succeed in accomplishing God's work.
2. Jesus was without prejudice and elevated the status of women.
Young Mary was the first human entrusted with the news that Jews had been waiting to hear for thousands of years. The long-awaited Messiah was on the way! Luke 1:30-33 And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and give birth to a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end."
Over these same thousands of years, men treated women as second class citizens. But Jesus loved every human being regardless of race, occupation or gender. John 11:5 Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.
As part of God's perfect plan, a group of women were the first humans to learn of Jesus' resurrection. Luke 24:4-7 While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men suddenly stood near them in gleaming clothing; and as the women were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, "Why are you seeking the living One among the dead? He is not here, He has risen. Normally the presence of a woman was not even worth noting, but not so when it comes to Jesus. Luke 24:10 Now these women were Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James; also the other women with them were telling these things to the apostles.
The disciples did not learn the value of women from their culture, but from Jesus who treated women with the same love and respect He treated men. Jesus valued female companionship, prayers, service, financial resources, testimony and witness. He listened to women, while also teaching and ministering to their needs. This mindset flowed down to all believers as Paul reminds us in Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
3. Husbands and wives do have different, equally important family roles
No doubt, God loves males and females equally, but scripture assigns different roles to each so that God's work is done. The husband is to be the family leader. 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. So many trigger words, but lets be clear about what this is and is not saying.
We are all to obey God first. Men are to follow God, always striving to be more like Jesus . If this is not happening and a man is living according to the world, not scripture, the rest of the verse is negated. By following a husband who is following God, a woman is also following God. And a woman is to know scripture herself so that she recognizes a Godly man.
A husband's leadership should NOT be superior, domineering or patronizing, because that is not how God leads us. As is often read at Christian weddings and pertains to both the bride and the groom, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Here is where the problems begin.....Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. This does not mean, wife, bow down to your husband as if he is a king every time he walks in the door. Read the very next verse. Ephesians 5:25 Husband, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Christ loved the church with grace, mercy, forgiveness and respect. Husbands are to cherish their wives and put them first, just like Christ put us all first as he headed to the cross.
How loving and harmonious would our families be if we lived out Colossians 3:18-21? Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not antagonize your children, so that they will not become discouraged. The key to this all is "fitting to the Lord" and "pleasing to the Lord". If any family member is not living in accordance with Christ, all are impacted, always in a negative way.
So who should stay home with the kids? I remember my daughter saying that "mom is the boss" because she saw me making all of the daily decisions as I was around the most while dad was at work. What would be the problem if the roles were reversed and dad stayed home and was the obvious leader of the family?
Lets go to the bible. Proverbs 31 is an entire chapter describing a worthy woman. Proverbs 31: 15-16 And she rises while it is still night and gives food to her household, and portions to her attendants. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. An industrious woman is worthy both at home and making a living in the world. Then there is Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Bottom line, while it may not be necessary to be strictly a stay-at-home mom, God does place a priority on a woman overseeing her household.
4. Men "leading" and women "helping" roles are required only for marriage and church leadership.
The two most important things to Jesus here on Earth are His church and our families in that order (see 10 commandments). This is why He made very clear in the bible that men were to lead both, and women were to nurture both so that both the Church and its families could thrive. Our jobs, our health, our homeland etc. are also important and should have out attention, but God and family come first.
We have gone over women's family responsibilities. The only roles women cannot fill in the church are ones that involve teaching or exercising authority over men. 1 Timothy 2:12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. This is not because our men say so, but because our God, through Paul, says so, and both men and women need to listen to our God. Women can be worship leaders, youth ministers, children's choir directors, any role that does not exercise authority over man.
How many eyes are rolling? Mine have! At my Presbyterian church in NJ (which allowed female elders by the way) I coordinated our "new member" class. We always asked people to provide their testimonies if they felt comfortable doing so. One man tearfully shared that he had his "come to faith" moment listening to the leader in his bible study class. This leader was our associate pastor - A FEMALE! I will never say that this is not biblical or wrong as it glorifies God! God will use what is available to accomplish His Kingdom work. And in this case you had an open heart listening to a faith filled expert in the bible and the Holy Spirit entered in.
In Acts 18 we learn about Apollos, an educated Jew who knew the Old Testament. He also believed in Jesus, but knew only about repentance from the baptism of John, and taught nothing about the Holy Spirit and salvation. Acts 18:26 But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him (Apollos), they took him aside and explained the way of God more accurately to him. It is in the bible - God used Priscilla and her husband Aquila to teach a man! Another instance where God sees an opportunity for a faith-filled woman to introduce the Holy Spirit.
There are no biblical leadership limits for the rest of life! Ladies be encouraged to lead companies, run for office, open businesses etc. Just run it like Jesus would!
5. What men and women tend to value tracks with God's biblical outline.
For years studies have shown that overall, women feel love when they are cherished - cared for, treated tenderly, listened to, and protected. And men feel love when they are respected - admired, having opinions that are sought and valued, and followed as leaders. Of course women also want to be respected, and men also want to be cherished, but in general, genders do value each characteristic differently.
These preferences support God's design and plan for us. Father's guide children on how to live respectfully in God's eyes. And mom's mentor children on how to show mercy and grace. Proverbs 1:8-9 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction, And do not ignore your mother's teaching: For they are a graceful wreath for your head and necklaces for your neck. Respect and love should be taught by both parents. But the different genders seem to have different God given expertise.
Men typically would rather admit "you were right" versus confessing "I am wrong." Remember the Fonz on "Happy Days"? He was "wwww...rrrrrr....ong" when he made a mistake as it was so hard for him to spit it out! You can understand tensions in relationships, since women would rather hear "I am sorry", versus "You are right." "I am sorry" shows mercy. "You are right" shows respect.
Bottom line....we are all to live our life glorifying God and the blessings will be countless when we do so. To avoid a chaotic home, income is needed to provide resources, children need to be cared for, and a house needs to be maintained. God outlined His plan in Scripture, and designed mankind/womankind to help avoid this chaos. Most single parents will tell you doing this all on your own is overwhelming.
Many God loving/God fearing husband/wife teams struggle maintaining a balanced home when evils of the world take over - health, loss of job, extra marital affairs. A husband and wife team, loving and following God in an imperfect world, is the best match to lead a family to glorify God. When reading scripture, we are provided the recipe for how to glorify God. How we cut the cookies will vary, but as long as we stick to the recipe, they will be delicious.
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